Ashley E. Kingsley

Posts Tagged ‘Pancreatica’

WARP SPEED

In Uncategorized on July 25, 2008 at 2:56 pm

It always amazes me how quickly time passes. I am astounded that summer has made its way into the last official month before fall rests upon us. I have caught myself more that once sitting and outwardly expressing my age and my discomfort with the speed at which time is passing. “How did we get to be this old” I hear myself saying.

One of my very favorite quotes is “We are time and it is not the years that pass but we ourselves. “ Octavio Paz was a wise poet and man.

So at warp speed I have started a new job after being a business owner for 3.5 years. I am very excited about this new position as the Marketing and Communications Director for COLORADOBIZBUZZ It was the right decision to put my business ASHER SOLUTIONS aside in the economy we are experiencing. The first thing people cut out of their budget in a poor economy is marketing. We couldn’t tighten our belts anymore.

I am pleased with the position and the responsibilities. I find challenge and creativity with each day I am with COLORADOBIZBUZZ. I have taken to managing the most wonderful people, who are out working as street teams for the summer. I have become attached to some of them and really love our interactions. Most of them are ten years my junior and so full of hope and life; their dreams are still very real. I remember those days vividly and I can really appreciate seeing it up close again.

I took to training for the Pancreatica 10-Mile Race that has given me a tranquility that I never imagined. I never thought it was possible to run. My body has always been accustomed to agility rather then endurance. I trained very hard for 4 weeks and made my stride at 5 miles when I injured both knees. Not surprised, I have always known running is hard on the body, I stopped. I will run/walk the race in its entirety and the most important thing is that I remember why I signed up in the first place; to heal. I have found great strength in running and continue to feel pride that I set out to accomplish a goal and will meet it in one way or another. When the running got difficult I reminded myself that watching my mom battle pancreatic cancer was tough. Raising a kid, though exhilarating, tough. There are much more difficult things then running. I feel honored to be running/walking/jogging this race with the knowledge that we, as people, really can do what we set our minds to. As a result of this, my mom is a survivor of pancreatic cancer which puts her in a class, of 4%. Unheard of.

Summer zips past and the days bleed together. We celebrated our daughters 2nd birthday and scratched our heads in amazement. “How did this happen? How did it come so fast?” We are amongst the “terrible two’s” and it feels as though we are just seeing her for the first time, still trying to get a hang of this parenting stuff. She challenges me and teaches me so much. I am so glad to be her Mom.

Economic strife has created angst and there is no denying this. As a result of the fear based journalism and crisis reporting I have turned off the television and stayed away from the news as much as possible. I have made this a conscious decision. If I didn’t, I do fear that I would explode. It is to much for any human to take in. We are in tough, tough times. Turning it all off has given me a certain peace that I welcome. More time to focus on the positives in my life. More time to be thankful for what we do have rather then griping about what we don’t. Some would say this is irresponsible; for me it is self-preservation.

This summer, I read ‘The Art of Racing in the Rain, one of my favorite books. It moved me in so many ways, the metaphors heavy and real, the story delightful and brilliant. I think I bought the book for at least three people and every time I go into Starbucks, where the book is sold, I read the last 4 pages. Every time, without fail, I cry my eyes out. I am certain they think I am nuts. What I am… is passionate. This is a book to keep and to re-read and to share with your friends and family, especially if you are a dog lover.

Now, we are, closing in on the end of summer. For the first time since my husband and I have been married we are taking a ten day vacation. We have been married for five years. One might say the first 4.5 years have been rough in so many respects. A lot of immediate challenges as it relates to health, finances, family illnesses and a new baby. It is this little thing called LIFE.

I feel so fulfilled. I know that I am on the right path; the journey always keeping me on my toes. I am thrilled to be learning and growing. I get to see this happening in myself as well as in my daughter and that is an amazing mirror. Not one for vanity yet for the soul.

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Running Free

In Uncategorized on June 21, 2008 at 5:01 am

ShoesI got a piece of mail. This is not exciting. However, I realized when I looked at it closely…(rare) it was a fundraiser/race for Pancreatic Cancer.

A few things that are interesting about receiving a mailer about pancreatic cancer: 1) My mom has just conquered pancreatic cancer (only 4% of the people diagnosed with this awful cancer, survive.   2) When my mom was sick (for the last 2 years) I never ONCE looked online at information regarding pancreatic cancer, or any of the procedures she went through. I couldn’t. I did NO research which is totally unlike me.   So, why was I receiving a mailer about PANCREATICA – a 10 mile race to raise money for research?  Hmmm….

I knew I would have to “look into it.”  It took a few days as I was busy with ramping up a new job and traveling.

I thought about it every day. A 10 mile race.  Let’s just say… I have only ever run two miles at the MOST and that was when I was 15 years old.  I also took a running class my first year of college which was not enlightening. I would show up to class for roll call and then run back to my dorm and go to bed. I got a low “C.”

Running is not my thing. Never has been. It hurts. I hate it. I have never wanted to run anywhere, for anything, ever. I have never had the endurance of a runner. I had the strength of a gymnast at one time, but that is it. Oh, and Yoga is my friend. Slow, soft, difficult but quiet.

I decided to run the 10 mile race. I made the choice after someone asked me (right after I got the mailer) “how my mom was doing?”  When I burst into tears and said “she is doing SO well, it is a miracle she is alive,” I knew I needed to do something to heal the pain of the last few years.

Watching my mom go through surgery and suffer so many complications and endless hospital stays, shady diagnosis-es, pain and strife, the unknowing… it was overwhelming. I haven’t had a chance to process the enormity of the situation. We almost lost her several times to complications from the Whipple procedure. We didn’t know if she would still be with us. She is. It is such a blessing.

And now I need to heal. I need to get angry and pissed off. Why does anyone have to get sick? I want to cry for days. I want to process the meaning of my relationship to my mom and how this illness changes us all. I want to be with myself for a while and get through the sadness and on-going fear that I have around the entire experience.

I have committed to training for and running a 10 mile race on September 1, 2008.  I have raised about $750 as of June 20th and my goal is to raise $2000.

I begin training tomorrow morning at 7:00am. Oh, the other thing: I don’t do mornings. Really, I don’t. I have been pissed off at myself all week that I even signed up to do this? Who the hell runs (at all) at 7:00am on a Saturday?

I have so much fear around failing. I keep telling myself “how silly it was for me to do this in the first place… and that there is NO way I will make it through 10 miles. What the hell was I thinking?

I am making myself go. Tomorrow is the first step to training for a run and running to heal. Sometimes you have to follow in order to become a leader.

Tomorrow, I will follow… and the next day and the day after that.

For more information on how to contribute please visit: RUNNING TO HEAL

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