In Lakewood, where I grew up, my world consisted of the dirt road that led to vacant fields. There were no strip malls or stop lights. I use to ride my stellar pink Huffy up and down the road and the neighbors would wave as I blew by on what I thought to be my pink rocket ship.

As kids, we were allowed to wander the neighborhood. We went from house to house, refrigerator to pantry, game to Atari game. We were all friends and everyone in the neighborhood knew each other. Neighbors spoke, sang Christmas carols and always had time for one another.

My family moved to Del Mar, CA when I was 12 years old. I felt very detached from my roots in Denver. The neighbors didn’t talk to one another and kids didn’t roam. It wasn’t cool to ride a pink Huffy in Del Mar, or fish, or play kick- the- can. Part of this was adolescents, more of it was culture.

I really missed Colorado. I missed the mountains, the sunsets, the down-to-earth people and the neighbors. I missed fishing, getting muddy, the dirt roads, the afternoon showers and the blue, blue sky.

When I came HOME to Denver in 2001 I noticed a lot had changed. There were strip malls where I use to play soccer and ride my bike and condos where I would fish and ice skate.

I was glad to be home, though adjusting to the changes took time. I can deal with the strip malls and the Wal-Marts because I don’t have control over multi-billion dollar corporations. But there is ONE thing I really miss. The ‘Colorado Wave.’

It used to be, no matter what, when driving in Denver, people waved. People waved when they switched lanes they waved when they passed by in their car. People waved if they were taking longer to park than anticipated. People just waved. The wave was a symbol; a silent but clear hello, thank you or good afternoon. I have never seen the wave anywhere else. What it signifies to me is that we are all in this together and we are all part of Colorado. That we are all neighbors… and we do care.

If you remember the wave, which some of you do, reinstate it. If you don’t know what the wave is… just start doing it… and you will be amazed. I think the WAVE really needs to be revitalized. It is a soft hello, a thank you; a small but powerful recognition of one another.

Don’t forget to wave….pass it on.

I was enjoying a day at the Rockies game  doing my usual; multi-tasking. I was watching my TWITTER stream, peering onto the game over my Blackberry, talking to my friend and husband and playing with the kids. Oh, yeah, I was drinking a beer too.  Amused as always with my Twitter stream, I realized it was time to put the phone down and get the kids packed up. They were done, it was the 7th inning.

I had my phone in my hand, baby strapped to the front of me, toddler walking next to me and hubby leading the way.  One quick stop into the loo was all I needed.  And, of course, I left my phone in the bathroom stall.  And the moral of this story – don’t leave your phone in the bathroom stall or someone will take it.  Well, that isn’t really the moral of the story, but a side note.

Within seconds my lifeline was gone. Sound dramatic?  My Twitter stream, POOF!  My Facebook access lost. My phone book, buh-bye. My PHONE, gawn. GAWN!  I panicked and then I became interested in my own physiological meltdown. Well, it wasn’t really a meltdown, but I was having side-effects, seriously.  I felt, lost and dazed.  No, I am not kidding.

I decided, after I talked to the insurance company (yes, I always insure my phones) that since I wouldn’t see a replacement for 48 hours give or take, due to the Holiday weekend that I would experiment with my “need” to always be connected.

FIRST HOURS:

I couldn’t believe how ridiculous it was how disconnected I was feeling.  A phone, a blackberry…  some call it an extra appendage… it just didn’t make sense to me why I was feeling so out of sorts?  What is so important ‘out there’ that I was actually missing?  I guessed, probably not much.  I couldn’t check my streams or my friends’ status updates, click through the news or see the latest baseball score.  Big deal, right?

Wrong….

I realized within the first few hours of loss that  my Blackberry had become a ‘tick.’ That’s right, a nervous, boredom, fill-the-time-or-empty-space-moments with noise – other people’s noise, ‘tick.’  It was shocking to me how much I missed clicking between Twitter and Facebook  to see updates, learn, engage and be part of the conversation. The need to be part of all of this, I discovered, drives me.

The need and DRIVE is:  Connectivity. Belonging. A way for me to experience others without having direct person-to-person contact.   This new discovery of mine was not surprising. What was surprising, however,  was how I felt when I didn’t have the option to just ‘connect’ instantaneously.  Isn’t everything, instant? Don’t we function on ‘instant’ now? I do and now I know how important it is to have access, anytime, anywhere.

MORE HOURS:

I missed the feeds and status updates… and then… I kind of chilled.  Don’t get me wrong,  I did “wonder” what was going on when I wasn’t looking or connected.   I realized that time and appropriate USE of my Blackberry was what I might need to pay attention to. If I want to be connected, I could be connected – but I had to make some adjustments.  I hadn’t fully realized how much I was missing outside the stream. I started actually, um, driving my car, listening to NPR again and just being with myself, sans hyper-connectivity.  It was oddly, refreshing.  I took an OATH to stop texting, Tweeting, Facebooking and emailing while driving.  It seems soooo obvious…. I know.   YOU CAN TOO- HERE.  I HOPE YOU DO!

THE FINAL HOURS:

Being disconnected was interesting. I was thankful for the time I got to reflect which is something I am really thankful for. Re-connecting with self is so very important – equally as important as connecting outside of myself. -BALANCE-

CHARGED!

I have learned that connectedness isn’t a bad thing. Somehow, I was feeling guilty for being *that girl* that is always Twittering or Facebooking. You know what?  Being part of the stream is important to me. Participating in the conversation is valuable to me.  Listening to others and learning from others is vital to me.  So the appendage stays.

I think using my appendage at more appropriate times is what matters. Maybe cool down on the triple-tasking, perhaps?

Social media, (SM) since I started using it back in 1999 has evolved exponentially.  This is not news.  People have gravitated to multiple  SM vehicles over the years. Sites such as MY SPACE, FACEBOOK, LINKED IN, TWITTER, and DIGG to name a few.  It seems just in the last few years the term SM has exploded and everyone is either a guru or a maven, or wants to be.

Everyone is using it. TWITTER is no longer for the birds. BLOGGING is a mainstream term and everyone has one.  SM as its own department is a growing trend in large and small corporations across the globe.

This is a shift. People finally understand the value of communications, mass listening, monitoring, and connection via SM. It’s powerful. Ahh, how refreshing;  we are getting to the same page.

Now, how do SM and private life intersect.  That is the question. This is my opinion.

Many choose to keep their online lives separate from their professional lives. This is common. After all, do you really want your boss to see your private goings on via your FACEBOOK page?  Most of you will say, “hell no!” I disagree.

I choose not to ‘hide’ my online presence from anyone. I am not afraid to show the dimensions that are ME.  I am human. Many would argue that people will not want to hire me because I have blogs under my name about MISCARRIAGES, health concerns, life in general, and oh, yeah, I use profanity.  I think this is small mindedness.

We are all multi-dimensional creatures with  access to amazing tools and devices that allow us to connect in real time with people all over the world. We all have private lives as well as professional lives; but dividing them would be a shame.  I choose to be ME online and off.  This is who I am and this is who you are going to get.  What a loss for so many if you have to hide half of who you are in the work place?  Sad, really.  I must admit, this has been a struggle for me as I would imagine it would be for many.

WHY I CHOOSE TO BE OPEN WITH PRIVATE LIFE AND SOCIAL MEDIA

What if you could connect via common themes with people that have NOTHING to do with business, or vice versa. Connect with people through business that you wouldn’t have ever met if it were just left to personal fodder? 

SCENARIO

You come across someone on TWITTER or FACEBOOK or what have you. After several TWEETS and POKES you decide to meet for coffee.  Over coffee you realize you could be colleagues, partners, client/service providers or even friends!  How much are we losing out if we keep our private and social lives baracaded? What if we don’t take the risk or being ourselves and putting our best foot forward?

Employers should (SHOULD) recognize that most people have an online presence of some sort and their professional lives are only part of who they are as people.  If you can be who you are all the way through then there are no surprises, right? A wider stream in which to swim and connect with as many fish as possible would behoove us and our relationships; potentially creating life long business partnerships, contacts, customers and need I say it, friends.

Last year I was consulting for a company during the Democratic National Convention in Denver.  It was one of the most important weeks of my life.  I attended a panel on Global Poverty during my lunch hour and I TWEETED about it. Within a few hours my boss called me on the phone and asked where I was that afternoon? *He had a SOUR tone in his voice* and I knew where he was going with it. I replied “I was at a panel about Global Poverty during my lunch hour, why?”  He replied “I saw your TWITTER post and just wanted to ask.”   Well good for him for acting like big brother.  And good for me for being exactly who I am, doing my job and taking my lunch hour to learn about something that is important to me.

HOW

Be honest about your work and operate with integrity and there shouldn’t be anything to worry about.  I managed eleven people during a consulting job and every single one of them is my friend on my FACEBOOK. Does this make me a good boss? Well, I will leave that to you. BUT,  I don’t have my head where the sun doesn’t shine… and I am aware, that yes, in fact, people do have lives outside of work!  I would rather connect on the human level rather than expect my employees or my employers to think I am just a robot.

I am proud of my experiences, my ability to chronicle my life through business, private or both.  Of course Private Life and Social Media intersect. If yours don’t- try it.  If you’re scared of opening yourself up then there is always an option to play it safe and create separate profiles; one private and one public.    Just don’t get confused… someone is always watching, or listening!

I have turned neglect into an art form.  It had been almost one year since I wrote, anything.  I have handfuls of excuses and even Doctor’s notes to back up my inactivity. But I figure, I’m back now, so let’s move on.

Here is just a lil’ window that will bring us from last July to now, June 8, 2009.

Put house on market and went under contract only after 4 weeks with a full price offer.  Had to wiggle out of sale of house on an inspection item due to an unexpected layoff.

Got laid off October 15th from a job I loved.  I was flourishing in my position as Director of Marketing at COLORADO BIZ BUZZ. They sunk people all over the company and layoffs were swift and awful.  I was a casualty of what everyone else would soon be, corporate greed.   The economy TANKED.  You all know the rest of that story, right?

My father moved in with us in the beginning of November. He was residing in New Zealand and made his way back to Colorado after 4+ years.  He shared a room with our daughter and space was limited.  The day after he landed I found out, after feeling odd for several weeks that I was, indeed, pregnant.

Surprise!  This sunk me. The news shocking and somewhat confusing.  My husband and I rolled with the punch and geared up for what we knew would be a long first trimester and pregnancy as a whole.  I don’t have easy pregnancies (refer to my other blog at MISCARRIAGE ONE TWO MANY).  This was a lot to take in stride.   I was totally side swiped out of my “career” or job and all of the sudden sick as a dog, pregnant and my Dad was living with us. Oh, and I didn’t mention our daughter had just hit the terrible twos.

What I want to share here is not all the angry, confusion.  That was there… no doubt about it.  I felt like I had just got my life steady again after having our daughter and I was loving my job and the community I was building. I liked the prospect of a new, bigger home.   But, someone else had different plans.

I have been on bed rest for the better part of 8 months.  That is a long time.  I haven’t cared much about staying in touch with friends, reading, writing;  pretty depressed.  The light in my day has been our daughter, our dogs and my husband.   I even stopped using TWITTER which was a big deal as that was my main mode of communication for quite some time prior to all of these new life circumstances setting in.

All through my days I would wonder… how can women do this? Have kids, have their careers, deal with the inevitable interruptions and stay balanced and satisfied? How do we make it all fit together in a way that we can make sense of it? This question still plagues me. I am not sure there really is an answer.  The thought of adding another child to our mix was and still is scary to me. What if I suck? What if I can’t do it? What if I lose my mind?  These questions woke me up every morning.  My tummy grew.  The more my tummy grows the lonelier and more trapped I feel in my body.  And then add the guilt in for even THINKING this way… boom! I am an awful person.

I haven’t been able to communicate these feelings very well, or write them down because I have been so withdrawn and scared at the same time, I am mostly frozen.   And with pregnancy, my pregnancies, there are complications.  Let’s just say if there is a small % of getting something…. I get it.  Recently, Gestational Diabetes has found its way into my life and I am not coping well.   What a tricky disease it is.  I write this from a hospital bed, where at 33 weeks pregnant they are trying to get my blood sugar under control because my feeble attempts and loads of insulin are not working.

Scared, torn, confused, you bet.  And learning. Always learning.  Nothing is solved or perfect. But one thing is for certain:  I am having a baby and I am getting more and more excited about his arrival.  I am blessed to have the a beautiful, healthy daughter and husband that I am lucky to call my family.

I am so thankful to have the friends I do, even though I haven’t been the best friend in return: I promise that will change.  I am thankful to have the home I do and the animals I love surrounding me.  The last 8 months, in all the sadness, and wandering I know I am blessed. I don’t ever doubt it.

My attempts at parenthood might stumble from time to time… the idea of a bigger, newer house can chill.  The thought of being a very successful career woman will iron out… I will find it, I know I will.  Being thankful is what I have today and I am eager and impatient indeed to sort of ‘get on with it.’   But I am not controlling the watch right now… so I ticks and passes time and I grasp and laughter I hear in my head and memories of the last several years of my life and how BIG everything has felt.  And how amazing it is to be a MOM already and to get to do it again… through confused… I am certain I have the “the village” around me… and I can’t imagine I will be alone in my parenting stumbles and successes.

On ward… and Up, Up UP!

4 Weeks from today we will hopefully be doing a c-section and welcoming our new miracle into the world. Fingers triple crossed!

It always amazes me how quickly time passes. I am astounded that summer has made its way into the last official month before fall rests upon us. I have caught myself more that once sitting and outwardly expressing my age and my discomfort with the speed at which time is passing. “How did we get to be this old” I hear myself saying.

One of my very favorite quotes is “We are time and it is not the years that pass but we ourselves. “ Octavio Paz was a wise poet and man.

So at warp speed I have started a new job after being a business owner for 3.5 years. I am very excited about this new position as the Marketing and Communications Director for COLORADOBIZBUZZ It was the right decision to put my business ASHER SOLUTIONS aside in the economy we are experiencing. The first thing people cut out of their budget in a poor economy is marketing. We couldn’t tighten our belts anymore.

I am pleased with the position and the responsibilities. I find challenge and creativity with each day I am with COLORADOBIZBUZZ. I have taken to managing the most wonderful people, who are out working as street teams for the summer. I have become attached to some of them and really love our interactions. Most of them are ten years my junior and so full of hope and life; their dreams are still very real. I remember those days vividly and I can really appreciate seeing it up close again.

I took to training for the Pancreatica 10-Mile Race that has given me a tranquility that I never imagined. I never thought it was possible to run. My body has always been accustomed to agility rather then endurance. I trained very hard for 4 weeks and made my stride at 5 miles when I injured both knees. Not surprised, I have always known running is hard on the body, I stopped. I will run/walk the race in its entirety and the most important thing is that I remember why I signed up in the first place; to heal. I have found great strength in running and continue to feel pride that I set out to accomplish a goal and will meet it in one way or another. When the running got difficult I reminded myself that watching my mom battle pancreatic cancer was tough. Raising a kid, though exhilarating, tough. There are much more difficult things then running. I feel honored to be running/walking/jogging this race with the knowledge that we, as people, really can do what we set our minds to. As a result of this, my mom is a survivor of pancreatic cancer which puts her in a class, of 4%. Unheard of.

Summer zips past and the days bleed together. We celebrated our daughters 2^nd birthday and scratched our heads in amazement. “How did this happen? How did it come so fast?” We are amongst the “terrible two’s” and it feels as though we are just seeing her for the first time, still trying to get a hang of this parenting stuff. She challenges me and teaches me so much. I am so glad to be her Mom.

Economic strife has created angst and there is no denying this. As a result of the fear based journalism and crisis reporting I have turned off the television and stayed away from the news as much as possible. I have made this a conscious decision. If I didn’t, I do fear that I would explode. It is to much for any human to take in. We are in tough, tough times. Turning it all off has given me a certain peace that I welcome. More time to focus on the positives in my life. More time to be thankful for what we do have rather then griping about what we don’t. Some would say this is irresponsible; for me it is self-preservation.

This summer, I read ‘The Art of Racing in the Rain,’ one of my favorite books. It moved me in so many ways, the metaphors heavy and real, the story delightful and brilliant. I think I bought the book for at least three people and every time I go into Starbucks, where the book is sold, I read the last 4 pages. Every time, without fail, I cry my eyes out. I am certain they think I am nuts. What I am… is passionate. This is a book to keep and to re-read and to share with your friends and family, especially if you are a dog lover.

Now, we are, closing in on the end of summer. For the first time since my husband and I have been married we are taking a ten day vacation. We have been married for five years. One might say the first 4.5 years have been rough in so many respects. A lot of immediate challenges as it relates to health, finances, family illnesses and a new baby. It is this little thing called LIFE.

I feel so fulfilled. I know that I am on the right path; the journey always keeping me on my toes. I am thrilled to be learning and growing. I get to see this happening in myself as well as in my daughter and that is an amazing mirror. Not one for vanity yet for the soul.

]]> http://akingsley.wordpress.com/2008/07/25/warp-speed/feed/ 0 akingsley http://akingsley.wordpress.com/2008/06/21/running-to-heal/ http://akingsley.wordpress.com/2008/06/21/running-to-heal/#comments Sat, 21 Jun 2008 05:01:13 +0000 Ashley Kingsley http://akingsley.wordpress.com/?p=11 ]]>

I got a piece of mail. This is not exciting. However, I realized when I looked at it closely…(rare) it was a fundraiser/race for Pancreatic Cancer. 

A few things that are interesting about receiving a mailer about pancreatic cancer: 1) My mom has just conquered pancreatic cancer (only 4% of the people diagnosed with this awful cancer, survive.   2) When my mom was sick (for the last 2 years) I never ONCE looked online at information regarding pancreatic cancer, or any of the procedures she went through. I couldn’t. I did NO research which is totally unlike me.   So, why was I receiving a mailer about PANCREATICA – a 10 mile race to raise money for research?  Hmmm….

I knew I would have to “look into it.”  It took a few days as I was busy with ramping up a new job and traveling.

I thought about it every day. A 10 mile race.  Let’s just say… I have only ever run two miles at the MOST and that was when I was 15 years old.  I also took a running class my first year of college which was not enlightening. I would show up to class for roll call and then run back to my dorm and go to bed. I got a low “C.” 

Running is not my thing. Never has been. It hurts. I hate it. I have never wanted to run anywhere, for anything, ever. I have never had the endurance of a runner. I had the strength of a gymnast at one time, but that is it. Oh, and Yoga is my friend. Slow, soft, difficult but quiet.

I decided to run the 10 mile race. I made the choice after someone asked me (right after I got the mailer) “how my mom was doing?”  When I burst into tears and said “she is doing SO well, it is a miracle she is alive,” I knew I needed to do something to heal the pain of the last few years.

Watching my mom go through surgery and suffer so many complications and endless hospital stays, shady diagnosis-es, pain and strife, the unknowing… it was overwhelming. I haven’t had a chance to process the enormity of the situation. We almost lost her several times to complications from the Whipple procedure. We didn’t know if she would still be with us. She is. It is such a blessing.

And now I need to heal. I need to get angry and pissed off. Why does anyone have to get sick? I want to cry for days. I want to process the meaning of my relationship to my mom and how this illness changes us all. I want to be with myself for awhile and get through the sadness and on-going fear that I have around the entire experience.

I have comitted to training for and running a 10 mile race on September 1, 2008.  I have raised about $750 as of June 20th and my goal is to raise $2000. 

I begin training tomorrow morning at 7:00am. Oh, the other thing: I don’t do mornings. Really, I don’t. I have been pissed off at myself all week that I even signed up to do this? Who the hell runs (at all) at 7:00am on a Saturday? 

I have so much fear around failing. I keep telling myself “how silly it was for me to do this in the first place… and that there is NO way I will make it through 10 miles. What the hell was I thinking?

I am making myself go. Tomorrow is the first step to training for a run and running to heal. Sometimes you have to follow in order to become a leader.

Tomorrow, I will follow… and the next day and the day after that.

For more information on how to contribute please visit: RUNNING TO HEAL

For several months I have been trying to re-find myself. Sounds silly, however, I have gotten lost on a few occasions. The last lost self happened when I gave birth to our daughter in July, 2006. She became my everything, as kids should, until you realize, you have to have “self”, also.

 I began taking some training’s to find spark, or see if I could drum up enthusiasm I so desperately needed. After all, Scout, our daughter is almost 2. She has a little life of her own now. 

I have attended some amazing and very gratifying lectures, training’s and symposiums in the last few months. I have learned a great deal about things I would never have looked into, like THE WHITE HOUSE PROJECT,  THE PACHAMAMA ALLIANCE, AWAKENING THE DREAMER, BRAIN JAM and THE GRADY GROSSMAN SCHOOL in Cambodia has welcomed me as one of the Board of Directors.

I have thrown out my credentials to many companies in search of a “job” or a “career.”  I found the need to do this when I decided that working at midnight for my clients was no longer fair to my family. I have been running ASHER SOLUTIONS for three years and with a great deal of pride and growth, I still find that I cannot do it all alone. I feed off people and collaborative relations and efforts.  Three months of shooting off résumés – and targeted I might add, I have offers on the table and feel really CONFUSED?  How does one go from business owner to employee? How does one go from STAY-AT-HOME-WORKING-MOM to employee? I am unsure of this transition and I am scared.

I have applied for press credentials to the Democratic National Convention as an alternative blogger. I feel I need to be there, like many do. It will be one of the most amazing weeks and I want to witness it up close and personal. I am awaiting an answer.

I applied to the WOMEN RULE! conference and was declined. They had 80 spots available and got 3,000 applicants. I was bummed. But is this failure?

I throw stuff out there – to see what sticks. I always have. And I am a big believer in “it was meant to be.” 

Then why the unrest? Why the total lack of passionate and unwavering focus in the midst of such learning and growing?  I am trying to identify the nagging sensation in the pit of my hungry tummy.  What makes us who we are? And when we lose ourselves, what brings us back?

In the midst of seeking I have also been diagnosed with a lifetime illness that has brought doubt, sadness and fear. SILENT THYROIDITIS they call it. It doesn’t feel so silent. Since November, I have been sick – without knowing why. It took some digging, some scans, blood work and intense waiting to see if the word CANCER had crept into my life.  Now we know what it is. Now, I learn how to live with SL and move on, right? Some days, I haven’t been able to move because it is so hardcore – it makes me tired. My hair falls out. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I am anxious and really, because it is in my THYROID, which is the body’s thermometer, I haven’t worn a coat since last winter. I am always hot or freezing. These sounds like minor set backs until you weave them together and that makes for a pissed off, lost, sick, MAMA!

Is this failure? Or just life? How does one find oneself after having gone missing for so long? 

A symposium. I find myself sitting on the floor with about 50 other people filling the hardened chairs that Sun Microsystems has provided. I don’t know how people sit in these chairs all day. Awakening the Dreamer… a day looking at the most critical issue and greatest opportunity of our time and what we can do about it. The Symposium explores the link between three of humanity’s most critical concerns: environmental sustainability, social justice and spiritual fulfillment.

The Pachamama Alliance  and Associated Consultants International. These two organizations are doing outstanding work around the world and both focus on issues changing through knowledge and ethical competence.

The morning started off with some tremendous statistics that literally made me sick to my stomach. They made me angry. How in the hell did we get here? Our planet in grave danger (no, I am not a tree hugger).

“If you are ready to be disturbed, inspired and moved to action, if you are ready to be introduced to a thriving community of like-hearted, deeply committed cohorts who are actively engaged in awakening from and changing the dream of our modern industrial culture, we invite you to join the conversation.”

I must have missed this tag line when I signed up. But I am glad I am here.

• US has the highest rate of mental health problems in the world
• 27% Americans have severe mental disorders
• Every day 700,000 people are getting help for alcoholism
• African lions are on the verge of extinction
• 90% of all large fish are gone from the ocean
• 40% of Agricultural land is at risk of becoming a desert
• We breathe 30% more carbon dioxide then our grandparents did
• 2 Billion People on earth today face water shortages
• The Gulf of Mexico has a dead zone where nothing can live – 7,000 miles wide
• 95% of all biologists believe that we are in the midst of mass extinction

These are just a few of the statistics we heard. More to come.

We have had a few breakout sessions which have given us the opportunity to really consider what we must do in order to be change agents. Visualizations have taken us 80 years into the future where we are interacting with our great, great grandchildren.  Our great, great grandchildren asking us “Grandma, what was it like when there was starvation and war? What were elephants like? How did people get along with so much pollution?” These are the questions our great grandchildren ask us, because the world they live in 80 years in the future has changed.  When thinking of these questions coming from my daughters daughter, I am fell totally embarrassed about the world in which I am leaving to my children. The actions we have taken as a whole are destroying not just the environment, but social justice and spiritual calm. 

These are difficult topics. I know they are there. I know that I consume to much. I know that waste is commonplace in my home and so is hunger in other homes. I know that sweat shops exist. I know that I don’t recycle. I know that my carbon footprint is HUGE and DISGUSTING. I KNOW THIS… and have known this. And… yet, I haven’t done a damn thing about it?  Why? What are my excuses?

I literally, broke down into tears during one of the video clips they showed of all of our great leaders who have made such great impacts, that of Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Rosa Parks, Diane Fossey, and more. How does one take all of this information in and live in the present while moving toward dire change? As I have hope I have hopelessness. As I have focus, I don’t know where to start.

It is important for me to be conscious of what I focus on and I get to choose my relationship with this information. This is profound!  This information brings great pain as well as a great well of joy for me.

Where should I put my energy so that I can keep growing and learning?  We are leaving this symposium in blessed unrest… this is where we are supposed to be. There is always a little something that draws from our excellence, to keep us moving.

Now I ask myself… how do I lead through change? I start with me. I will be calling the Lakewood Recycling Center on my way home. That is step # 1. 

Here are some steps that I can begin with:

I am asking myself these questions:

1) What is my relationship with the Earth?

• IDEAS:Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. Plant an organic garden. Volunteer with local organizations that work on cleaning up the environment.  Display pictures of nature that inspire you.  Enroll your neighbors in planting trees in front of your home in your neighborhood.  Plan a hike outdoor with your friends, family, or a support group. Buy a reusable water bottle and make sure it is stainless steel. There are to many toxins in plastic. Stop your junk mail. Promote local farmers. Make consumption choices that encourage and support good behavior from private industries so they improve their environmental practices. Investigate and get involved in the Fair Trade movement.  Remove toxic house cleaning products from the household. WANT LESS. When shopping for furniture find out where it is from and if it is sustainable.  Test drive a hybrid car and consider it for your next purchase. Carpool. Eat only when you are HUNGRY.

 2) What is my relationship with others/community/social justice?

IDEAS:Investigate organizations that are working to achieve social justice. Get together with your family and talk about your dreams.  Investigate and see if there is a project that can bring your neighborhood together. Engage with a racially/socially different community.  Read a book about day-to-day life about an indigenous culture and consider what it reveals about your culture and its life. Read alternative news sources. Mentor a child. Inform your self about social justice issues and offer to do a program on it at your local school.  

3) What is my relationship with myself?

IDEAS:  Breathe deeply. Read one page of something that inspires you. Play with crayon. Stretch your body. Write down your dreams. Take a nap. Listen to someone older than you. Hug a tree. Build a fort. Write down three things you are thankful for. Do nothing for one minute.  Write the answer to “What is the purpose of my life?” Watch films and programs that inspire you. Relax. Smile at yourself. Don’t read your email for one day. Enjoy what you have. Take care about what you put in your mind and your heart. Dream with friends. Spend at least 5 minutes outside each day. Buy only things that you need.  Remember to play.

These are the things I will be working on. I will also celebrate Earth Week. I will dance. I will connect. I will believe.  

After the first evening of my training with The White House Project, I ran up to my hotel room and dropped my notebooks from the day so I wouldn’t have to carry them to the bar/networking that was taking place.  I was not sure how long I would stay up – it was already 10:00pm.

I noticed one of the panelists was standing outside of the bar looking in. I tapped her shoulder and thanked her for her time and for being part of the panel on Women’s Leadership in politics. Her name, Polly Baca. I had NO idea who this woman was. Quite honestly, I haven’t paid much attention to local politicos over the years. My attention has always been on the major Presidential race every four years.

I asked Polly if she wanted to grab a drink.  We passed through the crowd of women who were already comfortably networking in small circles.  Polly and I sat in the very back side of the bar, removed from everyone, except the bartender.  Little did I know, I was sitting with the first woman elected to the Colorado House of Representatives and, later, to the state senate, Polly Baca-Barragán (born 1943) was the first Hispanic woman elected to those offices.

I sat in awe as Polly shared her life experiences with me that included being one of Bobby Kennedy and JFK’s staff members as well as Special Assistant to Bill Clinton during the Clinton Administration. We talked about the Bay of Pigs, her longstanding relationship with the Democratic National Conventions and her love affair with politics and history.

Polly and I talked about women and politics and the need for more LAND the role of leadership in this country. Sadly, we fall short when it comes to women leaders – not because they don’t exist but because electing women isn’t the norm, YET.

Polly was so dear and kind. We laughed, especially when she told me she married and divorced, TWICE, the father to her two children, who was also a Priest!!!

Polly has been working with LARASA as the Executive Director. The mission of the Latin American Research and Service Agency (LARASA) is to lead and influence change to improve the quality of life for Latinos in Colorado.

 POLLY BACA’S BIG LIFE

 It was as if two old pals had been reunited. It was one of the more interesting evenings of my life.

I have no idea where I got the email about The White House Project Leadership Training. I am not surprised however, as I tend to sign up for newsletters by the dozen. The newsletter arrived in my email box late one night and I decided to sign up for the training that was coming to Denver, CO. Why not?  The application process was straightforward and I sent it off without hesitation. 

I have often toyed with the idea of getting involved in politics and perhaps running for office. This was a perfect segway into my aspirations of getting involved and learning more about the process and what it really does take to run.

*I will share the weekend in several parts as it was vast!*

MISSION:

The White House Project, a national, nonpartisan, not-for-profit organization, 501(c)(3), aims to advance women’s leadership in all communities and sectors, up to the U.S. presidency. By filling the leadership pipeline with a richly diverse, critical mass of women, we make American institutions, businesses and government truly representative. Through multi-platform programs, The White House Project creates a culture where America’s most valuable untapped resource—women—can succeed in all realms.

To advance this mission, The White House Project strives to support women and the issues that allow women to lead in their own lives and in the world. When women leaders bring their voices, vision and leadership to the table alongside men, the debate is more robust and the policy is more inclusive and sustainable. By supporting women and the values that allow women to succeed—the full range of health options, security platforms that utilize all our resources, economic stability for all—we work to create an equitable culture.

FRIDAY NIGHT:

What an amazing night! Let me just start by saying… the enthusiasm was awesome! When women come together is always very powerful because we are not afraid to express what we are passionate about. I was honored to be surrounded by such strength and wisdom. The women ranged in age from 17-65.  The evening kicked off with a ‘Why Women Matter Panel.’

• Polly Baca - First woman of color to serve in the Colorado State Senate, President and CEO of Latin America Research and Service Agency (LARASA)
• Nancy McNally – Mayor, City of Westminster
• Gail Schoettler - Former Ambassador and Lieutenant Governor
• Suzanne Williams – Colorado State Senator, SD28

As you can see, the panelists were impressive. Their accomplishments great and each one spoke with such integrity.

WOMEN DO MATTER and the reason we have to continue to remind people of this is because of these startling statistics:

If this isn’t enough to make your jaw drop you can visit CAWP for more information.  As you can see, there is a problem. Women need to be at the table having the conversations, leading the decision making process and orchestrating PRO-ACTIVE strategies rather than REACTIVE responses and sometimes no response.

 So, yes, it is imperative that women GO, LEAD, RUN!